Children and Separation

One out of two relationships today breaks down permanently and in many cases this involves children. Parents who end their relationships permanently worry about the effect of the new arrangement on their children.

Children are affected by the breakdown of their parents' relationship. It is important for parents to remember that whilst they may be pre-occupied with their own problems, they continue to be the most important people in their children's lives. Children are invariably frightened and confused by the break-up of the family.

Children can misunderstand what is going on unless parents tell them what is happening, how they are involved and not involved and what will happen to them.

With care and attention, a family's strengths can be mobilised during this period of change and children can be helped to deal with the resolution of their parents' conflict in a constructive and positive way.

Children are known to most effectively cope with their parents' separation if they know that their parents will still be their parents and remain involved with them even though the relationship is ending and the parents won't live together in the future. Court cases or pressure on a child to "choose sides" can be particularly harmful for the youngster and can add to the potential damage caused by family break up.

Research shows that children do best when parents co-operate on behalf of the child (see the Information and Resources for Parents section on the CAFCASS website, where you can download a Parenting Plan or you can complete a plan online). In mediation, child consultation can be arranged, giving children a voice in their parents' separation or divorce.

CAFCASS safeguards and promotes the welfare of children involved in family court proceedings. To minimise the trauma of bitter disputes the court usually try to deal with cases concerning parents' contact with their children as quickly as possible. The court sometimes asks a CAFCASS officer or Social Worker to meet with the parents, as well as any children old enough to take part. A report can be produced making recommendations to the judge who then makes a decision based on all of the circumstances of the case.

The CAFCASS website has a range of useful tools, publications and checklists to help you safeguard your child's emotional wellbeing throughout the family breakup. There are also a number of leaflets on the website written for children.

Parenting Plans

Parenting plans are written documents that can help you to plan for your child's future after a divorce or separation. It is now possible to download Parenting Plans online - these encourage you to think about issues such as:

• Contact visits

• Communicating with your ex partner

• Children's surnames (if one party remarries)

• Living arrangements

• Staying in contact

• Special days and holidays

• School and out-of-school activities

• Religious and cultural upbringing

• Healthcare

• Childcare arrangements

Parenting plans can help everyone involved as to what is expected and can clarify arrangements made and to help without having to go to court.

Child Abduction

The consent of all those with parental responsibility is required if either party wants to take a child out of the UK - no matter how short the trip may be - unless a court gives leave.

If your child has been taken out of this country without your consent, or where there is a risk that this might happen, you should consult a solicitor specialising in this particular area of law.

You should also seek immediate advice in circumstances where your child is being kept out of this country for a longer period than you initially agreed.

The parent that the child lives with must have permission from the court if they want to take the child abroad permanently.

Reunite is a specialist charity dealing with parental child abduction and international custody disputes. Reunite's main objective is to provide a telephone advice line offering practical advice and information. Their advice is impartial and confidential to one or both parties involved in a dispute, though they are not able to negotiate on your behalf. Reunite provides specialist advice to lawyers and other interested professionals working in this area. They are able to put you in touch with a lawyer specifically trained in cases of child abduction and international custody disputes.